milkshakes are the drank of choice

i had a bit of everything today..from good to contemplative..to people-watching..well actually i kept from the norm of observing others..cuz in fact i didnt get to draw people today..

so this afternoon at borders i grabbed a few books on animals and people..i started drawing..my warm-ups..linework..and then i had realized what most artists feel when they havent drawn for a good amount of time..disappointment..it was the let-down..the kind of confusion that drains the inspiration out from under you..i froze for a bit thinking..'holy crap..i suck so much right now..whats wrong with me...this is terrible..'..it was amusing to see people surround me..they take their supposedly unintentional brisk walks past the sketchbook to see what i was drawing from the book of reference on my left knee..i was in between the book aisle in the travel or history section..and sat on the assumed chair/ladder the employees use in organizing books on shelves and whatnot..it was a full house today..as far as the couches..tables and chairs were concerned..so i had no choice but to park myself elsewhere..which im definitely accustomed to..i adapt very well to stuff like that..something about being alone and out in public..reminded me much of when i was in sf..i was in my element..im used to being alone..i dont really get too self-conscious about people watching me draw..i think its nice to see things like that..theres that mere few seconds a connection is made between strangers..a token of appreciation is what i take it as from someone who i'll never see again..but im used to that..because ive seen tens of thousands of people in cafes..on the subway..and on the sidewalks in the city..my peripheral vision catches most things..i got a lot of looks today..the kind that may be interpreted in several ways..maybe it was because i didnt exactly look..walk..or act like im from this particular area..or maybe i dressed like i was not from the suburbs but..rather a subway hopper..street commuter.. trademarked white ipod earphones and messenger bag..an artsy-citykid....nontheless..i kept my social skills at its most natural..

so after going thru a book or two i decided to take my things and check to see if there was an empty seat anywhere in the cafe area..and to my luck i asked my good man if it was taken..he instantly replied..'no'.....i nodded my head in thanks..the kid had his head buried in the homework..such an intense vibe and intention opposite what i was there for..i sat down and took my stuff out..a few markers and a pen..another book on my lap..decided it best to free my knee and placed..a book on chickens..to the chair on my left..so here i went..j-rock music..focused..and drawing exotic hens..wow okay.....but i dont draw animals and today was probably the first time i ever had..i need the practice..so im at this table with a few empty seats and the kid across me still buried in the books..my eyes fixated on my sketchbook..i notice a friend of his comes over and she starts talking to him..she then takes the seat one over from me to my left..and a few minutes later two other girls came over..i saw that there was only one chair on their side so i automatically offered to her the one i was using that had my books n stuff on it..she seemed surprised i did that..she smiled and said thanks..it wasnt a problem at all to me..then this dude came and suddenly i was surrounded by a study group..i thought to myself..i think im in their way..

so it ended up being a whole group of college kids doing their thing..a last person came to the table and she ended up standing..she joined in on discussing with them whatever it was they were debating about..she took notes with her backpack on..wait waitt..hold on a sec..'this is not right..' i thought to myself...this girl here was having to stand while the rest were sitting?..and i was in a chair she could be in..i do the next most natural thing..i look at her..take my earphones off and apologize..'im so sorry..i dont want to bother..please..take my chair..here..' but before i could finish off my sentence the whole table suggested it was ok and that i wasnt an intervention at all to them..the girl..she looked at me and smiled saying that i didnt have to move..it was kinda really cute..she blushed for a quick sec..for what reason im not sure..but she really pleaded me to stay in the chair..but knowing me i couldnt do that..i took my things..got up..and once again offered her the chair..i then smiled at her and headed down the same aisle i was in earlier but i found the back bench behind everything to be most comfortable..few minutes into the sketchbook and i see one of the girls from that table come all the way to the back just to tell me that the chair was free..'i am so sorry i felt so bad..we felt like we kicked you out or squeezed you out of your seat..' of course i said that wasnt the case at all..i appreciated that she even made the effort to come over and tell me that..but the cutest thing was..the girl that i gave my chair to came all the way back to where i was..just right after her sister had left..and she said pretty much the exact same thing pleading me to take the chair that was again vacant......oh i didnt mention this earlier did i? she was totally cute..so i introduced myself to her as she did the same..we gradually started talking about other things..she didnt seem to mind yet i felt i was wasting her time..she seemed really patient..stood there smiling at me the whole time..the reason being that?..*iono shoulder-hands gesture*..she seemed truly genuine in talking to me..she made a lot of eye contact..and smiled at me..kinda blushed..it was totally cute..i was surprised a cute girl to even converse with me..i was a stranger..she was totally cool..really sweet..and i like that..it seemed she didnt want to go but me being concerned for her own time i told her again that i was sorrie for holding her up....i guess she really likes smiling...i was gona ask her number..but i didnt..seeing how she was in front of me..she might not have minded......................she looked mighty cute with that backpack on like a lil kid..what a baby..

this was the longest blog ever..................why?...[insert hurtful comments here]

p.s. san jose tomorrow.